The only thing to fear is fear itself.

I guess I’m on a bit of a journey here.

After spending nine months in South America, the novelty of living back in Paisley, Scotland wore off pretty quickly. I had no motivation to get out of bed, yet still couldn’t sleep, rolling from one lousy job to the other, moaning about them all the time, living for when I didn’t have to work and could party instead, not taking care of myself. I loved the band too but even struggled to peel myself outta bed to get to rehearsals. Silly arguments going on in our flat about dishes (?!), and feeling so lonely and lost when I would be in the flat at night alone & unable to sleep. I seemed to be up and down all the time. I knew something was wrong.

Every day I thought if i just had enough money in my bank I could disappear somewhere and try to start over again.

Eventually it all came to a head I suppose.

Then one night in December my sister offered me a job in Spain.

And here I am.

Still feeling lost

But excited for what is around the corner, that anything can happen next

I have a life that challenges me, a purpose, love, adventure, new experiences.

I don’t feel trapped anymore.

Maybe Scotland had just lost that magic for me. It was becoming Groundhog Week. I felt like my feet were jammed in concrete. I was living to work, to be a zombie and to go through the motions. Nothing seemed to mean anything anymore.

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Here, life means something more to me. I’ve had to grow a pair, pull myself together and get out there and find opportunities. Maybe I won’t be here for long, maybe a few years and I’ll move on somewhere else, or Scotland will get the magic back, but since being in Peru, it is as though my eyes have been opened, I know what Scotland is like and I love it, but there is a whole world out there and I am free.

I am gonna go with the flow and see where it takes me.

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